A couple of funnies from my cousin

Amish Elevator

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

........................................'Go get your mother.'

MEXICAN JEWS

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, 'Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?'

Al replies, 'I don't know, let' s ask our waiter.'

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, 'Are there any Mexican Jews?'

The waiter says, 'I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.' He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, 'No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews.'

Al isn't satisfied and asks, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos' replies, 'I check once again, senor!' and goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returns and says, 'Senor, the head cook Tom say there is no Mexican Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asks again. 'I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!'

'SENOR, I ask EVERYONE,' replies the exasperated waiter, 'All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews!!!